Grown Up Christmas List
by corgipaz
Summary: A song reminds Brennan of a Christmas wish


A/N: I don't own Bones, HH and Fox do, nor did I write the song. This goes out to GCatsPjs Thank you!

While she listened to her favorite radio station, Temperance Brennan, typed feverishly on the keyboards while working on her latest book when she came to a sudden stop. She was at a crossroads with Andy and Kathy. They were in the car coming back from a crime scene and they had nothing to talk about in the scene. She drew a complete blank… she had nothing.

She walked over to the radio and turned the volume up, and hoped for some inspiration. As she absent-mindedly traced her fingers against the keys on the keyboard, the radio station suddenly changed formats, a Christmas song begun to play. This change snapped Brennan out of her trance, as she looked at her clock and notices that it was 12:01am on Christmas Eve. She shook her head to try and regain her focus, to plow throw the nothing that she was stuck on.

Since the familiar songs on the radio sparked a childhood memory, Temperance walked over to her kitchen to make a cup of hot chocolate. It seemed appropriate in this situation as her memories of Christmas past sitting by the fire with her father as they read holiday stories. She walked back to her computer with a hot cup that warmed her hands; she looked out the window watching the snow fall. The slow song played now seemed somewhat magical while she watched it snow. Brennan recognized the vocals from that reality show, "American God", or something that, as she rested her forehead on the glass lost in the words and her thoughts.

"_Do you remember me? I sat upon your knee  
I wrote to you with childhood fantasies  
Well, I'm all grown-up now  
Can you still help somehow? I'm not a child, but my start still can dream_

_So here's my lifelong wish My grown-up __Christmas__ list  
Not for myself, but for a world in need_

_No more lives torn apart That wars would never start  
And time would heal all hearts Every man would have a friend  
That right would always win And love would never end  
This is my grown-up Christmas list"_

Tears started to fall down Brennan's face as she thought of Seeley Booth, her work partner. No, that was not right! He was PARTNER, her best friend, or who used to be her best friend. So many things have changed. They used to be the center, they held their misfit family together. But she hurt him, rejected his offer, his gamble on them. He could never understand that losing him was the biggest gamble of all, one that she would not take. The words of the song squeezed her heart, making her chest ache and cry a bit more, silently as she looks over the city. She looked over on her mantel and went to grab one particular picture frame. It was the one of the both of them enjoying a cup of coffee on her couch two years ago when she hosted Christmas dinner at her house. They looked into each other's eyes and nothing mattered around them. Angela presented this picture to Brennan the next day. With all of her prized possessions, this one too ended up in the place of honor. Tears now landed on the glass, she wiped them off the frame and her cheeks as she placed the photo back in its place.

Now, he had a new family, a wonderful son and a beautiful girlfriend. In this world, lives were torn apart, wars were started, hearts were broken and love ends.

_"What is this illusion called the innocence of youth?_  
_Maybe only in that blind belief can we ever find the truth_

_This is my grown-up Christmas list, This is my only lifelong wish  
This is my grown-up Christmas list"_

If she were honest with herself, she would tell herself that she loves him, so deeply that being with him, even as a work partner only no matter how much it hurts was better than no Booth in her life at all… so although her grown up Christmas list echoed the song… her new grown up Christmas wish, it was to make it through another year, watching her heart break each time Booth's new family is near, hoping she still had a place somewhere in his life for her, in his heart. He was her rock, her constant, her shoulder to cry on.

A knock on the door caused her to jump. She cautiously headed for the door, placed the cup on the table. Opened the door, she smiled a soft smile.

"Hi, Bones"

Yes, this was her grown up Christmas wish. He is her grown up Christmas wish.


End file.
